Anger DON'Ts

Rejuvenation is a month today and I would want to appreciate all my readers for believing in me. It had not been an easy journey, I must confess. However, it’s really been worth every single bit of my time, energy, internet connection, light, headaches, and all. KanyinWrites would be nothing without constant readers. As much as I write to inspire people, in this first month, I’ve really been inspired myself. I’ve learnt a lot from the underG criticisms I get. As a form of giveaway, I would be appreciating you in the little way I can. I would reward the first 5 people who comment on today’s post (at the end of this post, you will find out what to comment about.) I love you all so much.

We’ve been exploring the topic anger for some days now. I hope we’ve been able to pick out one or two things from the posts so far? Today, I would like us to consider some other things we need to know about anger. Anger is a state of mind that prevents us from thinking clearly. When people are angry, they do and say things they regret later on. Anger is an emotional state that brings hostility with it. I once saw a quote that says that anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That helped me rethink my own anger. The problem with anger is the side effect of what we do when we are angry. Therefore, this post tells us what not to do and what to do when we are angry. 

The secret to anger management is preparing in advance. If we pay attention and avoid the things listed below, we will be in a better place. Here are some of the things we should NOT DO when we are angry:

·         Do Not Keep Arguing

This is very important. It is not advisable to keep arguing when you have a misunderstanding with someone. Argument solves nothing so there is no point wasting your energy on it. Let us understand that when we are involved in an argument, the other person also wants to claim he/she is right. This can only lead to prolonged argument and the sparking continues. Also, in the cause of a heated argument, you do not have a control of your mind. Things are said that should not have come out from the mouth. It is better when you keep quiet and possibly leave the scene at that moment.

However, understand when you need to be silent and when you need to leave. Some people are just not alright. That’s when they will say, “Are you walking out on me?” “So I’m a fool abi that’s why you are keeping quiet?” “So it is me that is barking?” Avoid arguing with people like this.

·         Do Not Vent

When you are angry is not the time to explain the events that led to your anger. The truth is, the more you talk about it is the more you get angry. The rule is: share your story quickly and stop telling it before your mind notices it and uses it to reinforce the annoying experience. I remember when I had an issue in my relationship. I found out that anytime I talked about it, I always got angrier. Talking about it didn’t help me heal fast and it kept the grudge in my heart. I had to stop talking about it and just let it go. It was then I could find a place in my heart to forgive.

·         Do Not Take it Out on Others

This is what is called transfer of aggression. You never want to mistreat others because you are angry and “having a bad day”. You are the owner of your emotion, keep it to yourself. If you know you have not calmed your nerves down, do not stay around others. Keep your cool until you are capable of dealing with your feelings. I remember one of my teachers in secondary school. You don’t want to have her subject whenever she’s angry. Woe betides you if she asks you a question that you cannot provide an answer to. By the time she pounces on you, you will think it’s more than not getting the answer. Please, don’t make people scared to be around you when they notice you are angry.

·         Do Not Make Decisions

When you are angry is not the time to take decisions. I don’t even know why someone will want to make an important decision when he/she is angry. At that state, you are not thinking straight and people might want to use that as an advantage. Mumsy will read this post but I hope she doesn’t see this part (lol). I remember one time that she was angry with my brother. I was still little then and me I wanted to buy biscuit. That’s how I went to meet her that I wanted biscuit. Though she answered me shouting, it paid off. She was like “go and take money in my purse and leave me alone”. As she didn’t specify how much I should take, I helped myself with enough. It was time for her to use the money and she could not remember how it disappeared. Don’t be like my mum, keep your decisions till when you are calm.

The list is endless on what not to do when angry. Writing more will only make this post long. We have gone through the Don’ts of getting angry. It is important to also note what we should do when we are angry. I’m sure someone will be saying is there something we should do when we are angry again? Yes, there are and they are inexhaustible. I would share just a few in my next post.

I hope we’ve learnt a thing or two from this post today? Regarding my giveaway, I would like you to share with us an event where you got angry and what you did that aggravated the situation or what you did to manage the situation. I also want to learn from you. Remember, first 5 people to comment gets a gift.

Much Love always from

KanyinWrites.

Effects of anger

The things anger has done and will still do, even the power of anger cannot stand it. Anger actually is not bad in the real sense of it. It is part of the configurations of a human being. The Bible itself reiterates this by telling us not to allow the sun set on our anger. The actions that take place when we are angry are what determine whether it becomes sinful or not. As someone aiming to get to the top, it is imperative to be mindful of what you do. Do you take charge of what happens when you are angry or you allow anger control you?

One question I keep asking myself when I’m pushed to anger is “who anger epp?” (who has anger helped?)  From my observations and I’m sure you will agree with me; acting on the impulse of anger does more harm than good. What’s the point of saying you don’t know what got over you or you didn’t mean what you said? Why don’t you just try to calm down first? You can then express your hurt or disappointment to the person involved, as soon as possible.

In this post, I would like to go through some effects of anger. Anger does not only affect us emotionally, it affects us physically (health wise). As a matter of fact, anger affects the people around us. In terms of emotions, anger affects a person so badly. There was a time I was angry with a friend of mine, to the extent that we kept malice. You know all those kinds of outbursts that make you say very stupid things to each other? Both of us started jam talking and stuff. The things we said made us stop talking to each other. Imagine people who virtually spent most of their time together.  Because of anger, we destroyed the beautiful moments we shared. People would ask after her from me and stuff. I started mingling with other people. Emotionally, I felt so pained, I felt hurt in my spirit. Whenever I see her laughing with other people, my heart just usually skipped. I felt very uneasy and most times, I cry. I thought of the events that led to the quarrel and I asked myself if it was actually worth the hurt that I felt. As a result, I had to apologize. The truth however is, we are not as close as we used to be anymore.

There are some loved ones who have hurt us and we concluded we were not going to forgive them. Even if we don’t feel the pain just yet, sooner or later, we will. Let us take the bold step to just tell them how sorry we are. Even if you feel they were the ones at fault, call them and express your feelings. Mind you, if hurtful things have been said in the cause, it cannot be taken back. The only remedy is to prove that you still care. In case it is your boss that angered you and you expressed your anger in the most unrealistic way, you are sure to receive an emotional punishment. For some bosses who are not so nice, the person gets a sack letter. Some other bosses could be nice enough to demote such person. In the long run, after you realize your shortcomings, the deed has been done.

In terms of health, the list is endless. Anger makes us exert much energy than usual. Unnecessary muscles are flexed and in the cause, we could shout on top of our voices. This leads to headache, high blood pressure, depression, heart attacks and the likes of it. For those who keep people in mind when they are angry, when that person is sighted, their hearts skip. This reaction is most times not good for the health because the body could be in shock. For some people, when they are angry is the time they eat sugary things (ladies in the building). If the routine continues that way, being overweight is knocking on your door. And for those who become Mohammed Alli when they are angry, they could get hurt in the process. What’s the point of having a swollen eye or mouth when you could easily have left the scene knowing well that you are hot tempered? In my next post, I would be writing on what to do and what not to do when you are angry.

Anger can affect every day activities, like work and extracurricular. It becomes hard to focus on tasks or accomplish projects. People would not want to work alongside you. Anger also causes feelings like guilt, remorse and shame (especially if you generally act out in ways that you later regret.) If you’re angry and constantly stressed because of this, it’s also likely that you’ll feel unable to let loose and have fun.

Just like the saying that laughter is contagious, the same goes for other emotions too. Your anger can affect not only you, but the people in your life as well. It casts a negative feeling on those around you. At the very least, your anger can cause people to feel put off, upset, intimidated, afraid, or a handful of other unpleasant emotions. You’re also running the risk of pushing loved ones out of your life for good. Do you lash out at your partner when you’re angry? Whether this is emotional, physical or both, it can have an extremely negative effect on your partner’s well-being. Solving conflict with anger, yelling and violence also sets an unhealthy standard in a relationship. When your partner sees that you get angry at every instance of telling you the truth, it reduces open and trusting communication.

I hope this inspires someone today. If there is anyone who has hurt you or who you have hurt as a result of anger, take the necessary steps today. Rise up against the effect of anger. Anger has nothing on you. Remember, you are responsible for what you do.

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

When I'm Angry...

So I wrote yesterday that it is normal for people to get on our nerves. Since we all have functional brains, it is normal for us to get angry. You can imagine waking up in the morning and praying to God that the day should go smoothly for you. You then step out of your house for the business of the day; the first person they sent to you might be the bus driver who refuses to leave one spot until the bus is full. The anger is being built up gradually, and then the conductor decides to join you with another person because he does not have change. In your mind, you are like shey this guy is not crazy sha? Well, it’s too early to start arguing with a fool like you; keep the change. 

You finally get to work and there are lots to do on your table. As you are thinking of how to get started, a general meeting is called and Mrs. Manager starts yelling at you. She tells you how very incompetent you’ve been and how you need to sit up. She says everything you’ve been doing have just been somehow and she doesn’t even know why you were employed in the first place. At that moment, it is as if an invisible hand could give her a slap for you because you work like no man’s business and she doesn’t just appreciate.

There is always one day that just gets really annoying like the scenario I stylishly painted above. There are usually some forces that decide to gang up to fuel the anger in you. Most especially when they call you Mr, Mrs or Miss Gentle. For instance, when you are driving on Lagos road and you try to form that you are gentle. First time, the danfo driver just does somehow and you are like, let it just pass. Another one scratches your car while dragging with you in the traffic jam, let him just go. Then maybe you are finally getting to your final destination and one guy that is forming big boy decides to show his power. It is at that instance that one bolt will just loose from where it was tightly screwed and the mouth just starts producing big big grammar.

Today, I am writing on what happens when we get angry. As for me, when I get angry, I notice that my body starts to shake. Then my big eyeballs become so red, I begin to sweat on my palms and the tip of my nose. The worst is when I decide to talk when I’m angry; instead of releasing my rage carefully, I will be shouting and crying. All these things that happen to me actually have their biological processes. 

First, the brain receives the message; like yo man, this girl is looking for your trouble. At this stage, your brain is trying to help figure out what the next action should be. Afterwards, the message is sent to the adrenal gland. They get to work releasing some hormonal assistance in the form of adrenaline. Your adrenal glands also let out some testosterone to give your anger a little power boost.

Next, adrenaline sends an intense wake up call to your muscles, twitching and jerking them into action. It is at this stage that for some guys, their palms gradually turn to fists. If a person is still at the scene at this stage, the next thing that occurs is that the adrenaline increases in the body system. This increases the volume and speed at which a person begins to speak. At this stage, one is being worked up and the pulse begins to increase. Trust me, at this stage there is little or nothing that can be done to appease the gods of anger.

Finally, this last stage is not nice at all. At this point, the deed has been done, blows have been exchanged. Most times, the actions are always dreadful and in the long run, the body calms down. At this point, the person begins to blame his or herself for what had happened.

Excessive anger can cause long term damage and a lower quality of life, leading people to poor decisions, risky decisions, and make them more vulnerable to substance abuse problems. As leaders of tomorrow, let’s get rejuvenated and make efforts to overcome anger and not allow anger overwhelm us. 

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

A Must Read

Attention! Attention!! Attention!!!

I have some things going through my mind that I would like to pour out. Last week, I was wondering what next I would be writing on and how relevant it is going to be to my readers. As I was thinking of it, some events just happened in my life that made me realize that there is something really important that needs to be written on that most of us do not realize.

Towards the end of last week, it was as if they sent people to me; like Yoruba people will say. It was like they were sent to get on my nerves and trust me, they succeeded. It’s been a very long time since I got angry but this past week, I got angry well. But the type of anger I felt was one that I could not burst out so well and there was nobody to even transfer aggression to. However, there was something I did that I was surprised at. The way I was able to handle it was very surprising and at the end, I realized that it was worth it.

It is normal for people to get on our nerves and it is normal for us to get angry. However, we need to be careful of what we do when situations as such arise. This week, we would be going through various things that occur when we are angry, what anger can actually do and how we can in turn manage anger. Anger is not a sin, it only becomes a sin when we act on the impulse and do unthinkable things. 

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

Principle #6

Is it not amazing that there are people here on earth that make money from doing things that we would necessary not imagine could bring them lots of money? Yesterday, there was really nothing to watch on the decoder, as all the channels were showing boring stuffs. I started tuning from one channel to another hoping to get one that will diminish my boredom and raise my spirit. In the long run, the least expected channel (Channels TV) did the trick. I can’t remember what the title of the program is right now but they were talking about dreams and goals and how our dreams are what inspire us to set goals. Two beautiful young ladies were interviewed; one was a chef and the other the managing director of jumia foods. These ladies both studied law and one of them actually practiced for few years but in the long run, she resigned from work and decided to chase her dreams. The other one (MD of jumia foods) was born and brought up in London but came back to Nigeria 3 years ago just to pursue her dream. For these two ladies, people thought they were crazy and although they took risky decisions, it’s paying off because they are doing what they love. We’ve been through 5 principles so far on how we can not just think out of the box of limitations, but actually destroy the box. Today, I am sharing with us the last principle, principle number 6 which says DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

There’s really not much to write about this. It is just as it states because in discovering yourself, there are innate abilities and endowments that were discovered. Some people claim that they do not have talents. I totally disagree because I believe that each of us on earth has that particular thing that we can do best. God has deposited something unique in you that makes you different from the person next to you. A question most people ask is: “how do I discover my talent?” The answer is as simple as ABC. It is in form of a question: “what do I enjoy doing by default?” There is that particular thing that once you start doing it, you derive pleasure. For some people, it could be singing, dancing, writing, cooking, drawing and as funny as it might sound, talking.

Like I wrote in one of my posts, most people who work today do not necessarily enjoy what they do but it is important that they make ends meet and be able to put food on their table. This is understandable and very true. However, I feel we deserve to be happy and as much as we try to exert our energy into the growth of another man’s business, organization and company, we should also try to find the space to do what we are passionate about. For instance, if you are passionate about fashion, nothing stops you from running a fashion outlet alongside the job you do.

For those who haven’t found a job yet, I believe we should not despise the time of little beginnings. So many of us are particular about making big money all at once but I feel you can derive joy, pleasure and satisfaction by doing what you love doing, alongside searching for a job (that’s if you feel your talent is not lucrative). Many of those we see out there making it from their talents, have stories to tell of their humble beginnings. As for blogging, I derive pleasure from doing what I’m doing that is why even if I am not making money from it just yet, the fact that I derive joy in what I’m doing by inspiring people, keeps me going. 

Dare to do what you love, take that decision and of course with God’s permission. If you have to quit that job that is depriving you of your happiness, please do. You should not allow someone or something rob you of your happiness and living a fulfilled life. Let people call you stupid, let them ask if you are crazy. Don’t worry, you might not have the right answer and you might not be able to convince them just yet but I promise you, as long as it is God’s plan for your life, your achievements will give people the answer. I heard Falz’ father was disappointed in him when he heard that he was going into singing and comedy but this same man dropped the money Falz used for his ‘soldier’ video.

I hope we have been able to learn or two things from the various principles that have been shared so far? I believe following these principles will go a long way in destroying the box of limitations. Please be rejuvenated and have a different attitude to life because life is beautiful and should be enjoyed. And please don’t forget: Do not always settle for the status quo, do not settle for mediocrity, discover yourself, develop yourself, do not imitate, do what you love. God bless you and I love you guys so much because you all keep me going.

Much Love,

KanyinWrites. 

Principle #5

Yoruba people have words and expressions for every little thing and I’m proud to be a Yoruba geh. Today, I’m borrowing two words ‘orisirisi’ meaning ‘different different things’ and ‘radarada’ meaning ‘arrant nonsense’. I hope I’m right with my translations sha. Anyway, to my story for the day. My story is about MTN Project Fame and the ‘orisirisi’ people that used to go for this auditions. There was this particular year that one guy went for the auditions and what he did was ‘radarada’. This guy went in with pants and chains on his body and when he was asked why he appeared like that, he said he was singing Fela’s song and so, he decided to dress like him. Uncle Dede, who was part of the judges was so angry and disgusted and he said and I quote “who told you Fela used to go about naked? Get out of this place right now”. The guy thought with that, he was going to win the hearts of the judges but unfortunately for him, it backfired. You people will say KanyinWrites has come again; what is she driving at with this irrelevant story she is writing? Well, don’t vex ehn, I’m just trying to be funny and also inspiring. Today, we are going to my principle number 5 which states and I write “copy copy e no good ooo” meaning “Do not imitate”.

It is normal for us to have someone or people that we look up to as mentors or role models in different aspects of our lives. Most times, we always love to be like them, act like them because we like what they do or because what they do is exactly what we would love to do. For me, Fela Durotoye is one person I look up to when it comes to public speaking and being a life coach and that is because one of my dreams is to become a renowned public speaker and life coach in the nearest future. However, I wouldn’t say because I look up to him and I listen to him speak, I will like to start speaking like him or I will start to use his style.

We need inspirations and good examples to follow and fortunately we have many of them. We can learn lot of things by reading about their lives, their struggle and their achievements, their qualities which helped them to overcome difficulties in their lives. You can follow them on social media and if peradventure, your stalking game is lit, you meet them one on one. However, the problem comes when people try to copy their idols, they try to become another X or Y, which is impossible. God has given unique identity to all of us; each of us is different from another. By trying to become someone else we are going against nature. Nature never copies, every living thing produced by nature is unique, and no two things are carbon copy of each other (even a twin has something different from the other).  We all are unique in our own way and have our own nature and qualities but we don't even try to search for them but try to become someone else and in turn we kill our original self. In a process to become someone else most of the time we lose our own identity permanently.

Someone might want to ask “does that mean I should not read about my mentor again? So I should not learn from them again? Of course no. In one of the principles, I wrote about discovering yourself and the previous principle says develop yourself. In the process of doing that, it is advisable for people to go through this stage of getting to know how other people who are excelling in one field or another went about it. For me, in developing myself as a blogger, I have started reading on how people started and how they are making money and all. I will not now say because Linda Ikeji is making it from writing gossip, me too I must change to gossip or because BellaNaija is making it because of her fashion and wedding stories, I will switch to that. As for public speaking, I listen to Fela Durotoye anytime I have the opportunity to and truth is, I am trying hard to make sure I meet this man one on one (please anyone with his phone number, halla). Therefore, we should definitely try to take inspiration from people around us, from all great people who are living or lived on this planet but resist the temptation of imitating them. There is difference between imitating someone and getting inspired by someone and we should understand that. Rather than trying to imitate somebody we should try to discover ourselves, understand our true nature and try to be ourselves. Let’s discover the real us and the fact is no one like us existed before or will exist after, we all are unique. Let’s give ourselves chance to express our true consciousness, our true personality not the one which society or people around us want us to be. Let’s just be ourselves.

Please remember these:

•  No one else is you, so embrace who you are.
• It’s much work being someone else rather than being yourself.
• Your combinations of strengths are unique to you and no one else.
• Your experiences are unique to you and their experiences are unique to them.

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

Principle #4

There used to be a time in my life that walking alone on my street used to be a very big problem for me, especially when those jobless guys in my streets gather themselves like soldier ants, strategizing how to catch their next prey. Whenever I saw them in front of me, I usually took a 360 degree turn to pass somewhere else and if not, I just went back home in peace. I was a very shy human being, I had low self esteem, and inferiority complex had the best part of me big time. Worst of it was when I resumed university after everyone had resumed; students have gone far enough into the semester and so, they were already used to the life then. My first night was horrible cos it was the first time I was ever going to leave my parents; I cried like no man’s business. This nonsense kept happening to me and it was stealing my happiness. I figured I needed to do something really fast about it before I start becoming depressed. I had discovered long enough that I’m a bit good at singing and since it was compulsory to join a service unit, choir was going to be the best for me and so I took the form. Issue came when I heard that we had to go through auditions and all; I ran for my life (how on earth was I going to sing in front of people? What if they laugh at me? What if they say I wasn’t qualified?). Matriculation was coming and there were lots of preparations. Again, forms were going out for those who would be interested to join the poetry group in school as well as present a poem for matric. This time around, I summoned the greatest courage ever and I took the form; I started going for meetings, I made new friends and it was fun. To cut the long story short, I took the bold step and I was among the 8 people who recited the matriculation poem offhand and in front of over 10,000 people. Above all, I got the chancellor’s hand shake. 

Why did I decide to start with my story today? There are lots of people out there with great potentials that they have discovered, not like they are ignorant of them. The big issue is the fact that many of us do not take the next step in making use of them, many of us shy away in our shells and just feel we are better off not seen. It is not enough for us to discover ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses; we need to take the next big step in order to amplify our strengths. This brings us to my principle number 4: Personal Development. Based on logistics is now one expression that is trending courtesy Warri boy Efemoney. The only way this guy can remain relevant is through personal development. Funke Akindele (my role model) studied law but she discovered she had this ability to act and she started; in the long run, she discovered she had a very good sense of humor; she produced Jenifa part 1 to 3, now it is Jenifa’s Diary and then Jenifa in London. This could only have been as a result of personal development.

Personal development covers activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance the quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations. Personal development takes place over the course of a person's entire life. Talking about improving employability, what steps are you taking as an unemployed graduate in order to improve that? Do you review your CV or it’s just the same way it had been from since you were in school? How have you developed yourself for interviews? Are you still the shy type who cannot project his or her ideas by looking into the face of your interviewers? What skills have you acquired? What steps have you taken to develop those skills you have?

Personal Development is the conscious pursuit of personal growth by expanding self-awareness and knowledge and improving personal skills. The ultimate goal of Personal Development for me is to be a self-realized human being. That means living consciously at my full potential and reaching real happiness in my life. There are various benefits of personal development that would serve as sources of inspirations to us.

Personal development is a much used and much maligned term. It is about taking time to making a commitment to invest in your greatest resource – you. When you put in the effort to developing yourself, the rewards are amazing. Many people are put off by personal development because the results are not always measurable. However, the greatest achievers in life know that the key to success is the ability to manage themselves in a variety of situations. That ability comes through personal development.

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

Principle #3

During the recent youth conference that held in my church, there was this song by Sinach that we kept singing and whenever it was raised by a chorus leader, every one of us starts jumping and screaming out the lyrics. Let me activate my singing mode (please sing along with me): “We are a chosen generation, called forth to show His excellence. All I require for life, God has given me; I know who I am. I know who God says I am, what He says I have, where He says I’m at, I know who I am”… Bridge abi vamp goes thus “I am holy, I am righteous ooo uuu, I am so rich, I am beautiful ooo.” Many people just scream the lyrics of the song and do not take out time to actually meditate on the words and try to understand what they are actually singing. Have you taken out time to ask yourself “who am I? Who does God say I am? Am I actually who He says I am? Am I where He wants me to be? Do I have all He wants me to have? These and many more questions lead us to my principle number 3 which is The Journey to Self Discovery.

Self discovery is the act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of your abilities, character and feelings.  It has to do with becoming aware of your true potential, character, motives, etc. It is the process of learning more about yourself and who you are. It is important that we find concrete answers to the questions above. My name is Kanyinsola and I’m a writer doesn’t make me who I truly am, there are so many other things about me that I need to discover. What exactly makes me different from another person? What is that unique thing about me that I am yet to find out? The journey to self discovery is a very long one and I’m not about to affright you; but the truth is, some people die without getting to know who they really are. 

Self discovery should be an important goal for everyone. It is only through the discovery of self that we can identify our purpose and actualize our potential. On the other hand, failure to embark on a pilgrimage of self discovery will cheat us of the opportunity to understand who we are and what we want out of life, as well as how we can help others during our time on this earth. What then are the steps to self discovery? To begin with, there is the need to sit back and provide sincere answers to the following questions: How well do I know myself? What do I want in life? Do I have a sense of purpose? What defines me? What makes me happy? For me, I found out that at this stage, some of my answers to these questions are “I don’t really know”. It just means that I have to keep searching and getting to know myself.

Discovering yourself in line with your goals: career, relationship, spiritual, educational, etc. just has to do with getting to know your strengths and weaknesses. What are you good at? (I act pretty well, maybe I should join drama unit) What are you not good at? (I’m not sure I have a good voice, project fame is not for me) What are those innate abilities you have (I’ve been singing and dancing from my mother’s womb) What are those other things you feel you will be able to do if you just engage in a little more practice (I discovered I use my picture editor well for instagram, maybe I should try photography) What are you forcing yourself to do because someone is watching? (I must fast and pray like Jesus because sister Shalewa is watching, I must show how spiritually mature I am).

Here are some quotes I found really interesting about self discovery

• “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom”. Aristotle
• “when I discover who I am, I will be free”. Ralph Ellison
• “at the centre of your being, you have the answer, you know who you are and you know what you want”. Lao Tzu
• “the greatest discovery in life is self-discovery. Until you find yourself, you will always be someone else”. Miles  Munroe.
• “never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be”. Robert Brault
• “every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character…” anonymous
• “he who knows others is learned but he who knows himself is wise” Lao Tzu
• “knowing who you are is the best defense against who they think you are” Dodinsky

“Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character…” This struck me really hard like there are one thousand and one undiscovered character I have to discover in me and the truth is, if we make conscious effort to discover these things, we find ourselves making exclamations like “I never knew I could do it ooo, I just said I should try” Start this journey and make it a point of duty to discover something new about yourself.

So Much Love from KanyinWrites.

Principle #2

Let us look through the story of this young, tall, dark and handsome guy that is every woman’s dream. His name is Fola Daniels. Fola is an employee in one of the big companies on the island and he stays in Ikotun. He has to wake up as early as 4:00 just to catch up with the staff bus; he works sometimes 7 days a week and has no time for himself at all. Apart from the fact that he works long hours, he still always has back logs of work to do at home and so he hardly gets to sleep. His monthly salary is 60k and from it, he pays his house rent, buys food stuffs, and caters for other primary needs which leave him with less than 10k as his savings. My guy Fola has so many girls flocking around him but with the way things are, he can’t see himself entering into any relationship as there is no money to cater for the babe’s needs. Meanwhile, back home, his mumsy keeps telling him to bring home a wife. Let me stop here jere, my head is not forming story again. 

Principle number 2 is NOT SETTLING FOR MEDIOCRITY. People settle for mediocrity in many aspects of their lives on a daily basis. We accept jobs we hate, we deal with friends who let us down, we accept that there are no jobs and all. Another reason why people settle for mediocrity is because they are lazy; they don't want to have to make too much of an effort even though they are unhappy in their present situation. They lack the confidence, ambition and drive necessary to succeed. Many at times, people get so frustrated with life that they feel that settling for something will create the happiness they desire. People will constantly complain about their present situations, but will do nothing about it. They just keep wishing that these situations will change. I’m sure we are not like these people.

According to the word web dictionary, mediocrity means ordinariness as a consequence of being average and not outstanding. It also means a person of second-rate ability or value. Before God, you are a first class candidate; you cannot afford to settle for less. The Bible in Deut 28:13 says “the Lord shall make you the head and not the tail…” The fact that your present situation does not look all that rosy does not mean that there can’t be a brighter tomorrow.  

Embrace your uniqueness by accepting God's unconditional love for you.  Know that you are today who you have decided to become, you can be more than you are right now, and you should be the best you can be.  Understand that your worth is based on who you are - God's beloved child - rather than what you do.  Forget who other people think you are; express yourself and become who you really are.  Be real, don't pose, or pretend to gain anything when you don’t. Respect yourself by living a life consistent with the real you.  

Focus your energy on preparing to do something great with your life.  Remember that your past and current circumstances don't have to limit your future; nothing is impossible with God.  Use your God-given talents, find things you love to do and do well, give everything you've got to everything you do, be enthusiastic, work smart by balancing work well into your life as a whole, demonstrate a positive attitude and don't listen to those who try to convince you to compromise your commitment to excellence.

Mediocrity is a place where people often get stuck and do not know how to escape. This is a mindset that can only be changed with mind renewal. In order to move from this place, one must think differently, get rid of what hasn't worked, connect with those who can give sound direction, design a plan of action and put that plan in motion. Life is way too short to settle for anything less than what we truly want. The only way to embrace your potential is to stop settling. We are only limiting ourselves and wasting our precious time. The moment we begin to settle in the most important roles of our lives is the moment we begin to die a slow death. Excellence is a place where people who refuse to settle for mediocrity live; it is where one reaps from all the hard work sown. It is a journey of continuous progression toward the goals in your life.

Mediocrity is not meant for us and as such, we are destroying this box and not just thinking outside it. I refuse to settle for mediocrity, I take charge of my present situation; I will strive to be the best at what I do. So help me God. (Say this to yourself everyday). 

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.

Principle #1

I asked a friend of mine few days back about how he spends his day; the response I got from him was that he lives his life just the way it comes. I was not comfortable with the answer so I decided to press further in my investigations as the interrogator that I am. He said whatever situation he finds himself is what he accepts and so he doesn’t have plans on how he should spend his day. It is much easier to accept things as they are, to go with the flow but there is a danger in that. If you really want to make a difference wherever you find yourself, and you are willing to come out of the box that you have found yourself, it is important that you DO NOT settle for the status quo. This makes my principle number 1.

The status quo is the current state of things. When we talk about the status quo, however, we often mean it in a slightly bad way. When people want to maintain the status quo, they are often resistant to progress. The fact that one was unable to get into the university, or was unable to get married over the years, does not mean that university or marriage is not for such person. Also, the fact that you are rich and admired does not mean that you should settle for that and become lackadaisical because no one knows what can happen in the next moment. Anyways I’m not about the rich in this post; I’m about those people who have settled for the lie that there are no jobs or opportunities. When we fail to challenge the status quo (the way things are), we fail to bring the much needed change in our lives and our world. If we want our lives to make a difference we have to be willing to be uncomfortable by leaving our comfort zone and search for new horizons. You cannot change the world without shaking things up.

The reason why many of us are held back in our journey to success is because we have become comfortable in our current position and situation in life. I read a story about a man who was walking down the street and passed a man sitting in front of his house with a dog lying next to him. The dog was whimpering and groaning. The passerby unable to contain his curiosity asked the owner what was wrong with the dog. The owner replied that the dog was sitting on a nail; the traveler was forced to ask, "Why doesn't he move then?" The owner responded "It is not hurting enough for him to move, just enough for him to moan and groan". There are so many people out there like this dog; they just moan and groan about their current situation, they never take the necessary actions to change it. Are you one of those people? 

To progress in your life, to move forward, you need to step out of your comfort zone and dare great things that will cost you. You have to be willing to step out and step up. This means different things to different people. It might not mean that you challenge the great powers and governments of this world but it might mean facing your own fears like talking to your boss about something that is unfair. Since I finished my youth service, I have sent my applications to countless number of organizations and not one of these organizations have sent back any response of either acknowledging that they received the application or the fact that I am not qualified for the job. They all just keep mute about it and that is what most organizations do which I do not think is fair. Of recent, I applied for another job in a company I’ve been dreaming to work in. Days after the application deadline, I was forced to send them a mail as a follow up of my application (I took that bold step even though it looked like I was overdoing it) and well they actually replied but up until now, I’ve heard nothing. I did not say because I am expecting company A or B’s invitation, I will not look for other places or I will not engage in other things that will build me. However, there are so many out there that will say ‘I have applied to this company and they will call me soon’ Brother wake up ooo.

What I’m implying is that at the time of ‘waiting’, it is not good enough to wait without trying your hands on something. Your current status is unemployed but that does not mean you cannot be an employer of labor, it doesn’t mean you cannot be an apprentice, it doesn’t mean you cannot use your talents or potentials to put food on your table. Have you ever wondered what change you could bring about if you decided to step up? Do not be that person who wakes up in the morning, hoping to get a mail from a company you applied to inviting you for an interview but you did not; because of that, the day is over for you. All you do is sleeping all day or go about visiting your unemployed friend or surfing the net and feeling sorrow for yourself. For those who are underemployed, it is time to step up your game and start looking for alternatives; it is very important because you cannot continue to act below your potentials. Don’t settle for less than what you know you deserve and do what you can to turn things around.

“Change Happens When Individuals Decide To Go Against The Status Quo.

 If You Settle For Less Than You Deserve You Will Never Realize What You Can Become.”

Be relentless in your pursuit for a better world and a better future. In what areas are you settling instead of battling? Get your battle on and decide to become unreasonable (people’s opinion’s should not influence you) so that you can create a future you can be proud of. Trust me; your present situation has nothing on you.

Much Love,

KanyinWrites.